Hundreds tell BBC of adopted children's struggles amid calls for lifelong support
Hundreds of parents have contacted the BBC about their struggles with finding help for adopted children, as charities call for a government audit. The reaction came after we announced last month that more than 1,000 adopted children had been returned to care for more than five years. Hundreds of adoptive parents told us that they had been blamed for the difficulties of often traumatized young people. Mina, who contacted BBC Your Voice about her son who died last year from alcoholism, said: You're just a lone person battling the system.
Adoption UK said it had raised the issue with England's children's minister this week, calling for permanent funding for therapy and a wider analysis of the available services.
Mina was one of 700 people who called the BBC in response to the story, many of whom said they were adoptive parents who had trouble finding help for their children or were blamed for their emotional and behavioral difficulties. After being barred from his birth mother when he was 18 months old, Leighton and his wife adopted him at the age of three. According to her, he had trouble with his mental stability and heroin use throughout his life.
Mina says. She claims that his loneliness over his adoption resulted in heavy drinking and death from liver disease at the age of 26.He brought all this pain inside, like I'm not worthy, I'am not worthy,
He couldn't understand why.Leighton would suffer bouts of
deep depression,he says, although social workers dismissed his parents' concerns, Mina says. When he was older, she says, he would self-harm and began using opioids and abusing alcohol. Leighton's troubles were blamed on social workers, but she maintains,
it must be something going on at home.There's a myth that once a child's adopted, they'll live happily ever after," Mina says, because there is no place to complain or even have your voice. A request for clarification was not responded by the local authority who had placed Leighton for adoption.
The adoption scheme is under extraordinary strain,
according to children's charity Coram, one of many organisations to call for greater assistance for adoptive families or to raise questions about the blaming of parents in response to our .
This should never be the case. Adoption remains aIt's surprising to learn that adoptive parents are being blamed as the first response when they seek assistance. Dr. Carol Homden, CEO, said,
she says, but "we must remember that children will need future care and ensure that our services are provided in a timely and efficient manner.very important component of our health care system and highly effective for the majority of children,
CoramBAAF, the country's largest body representing children's social workers, has also endorsed the call for a review of adoption assistance, saying,
James - not his real name - told us he was relieved to learn he wasn't the only one to have gone through something like this and now believes heWe must get this right for the children at the center of this.
owes it to our adopted sonto speak out for the first time. He claims he adopted a child with severe foetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD), a disorder that can cause physical and mental difficulties in women. As he grew older, James claims that his adopted son's behavior was often violent as a result of his illness.
'Heavily blamed'
According to one social worker, one parent should live in separate homes, while another child's staying with their adopted son and the other child in the family's house. A social worker also admitted that social care workers had not been prepared to deal with FASD, according to a social worker.
They want to help,We took on a child knowing there would be problems. We didn't expect it to go well because it didn''t.
It was almost like, me and my children, that we didn't exist anymore because we'd been so blamed,he says. He eventually decided that his adopted son was no longer safe to live with the other kids, and he wanted him to be placed in care once more. According to James, they had trouble keeping in touch with him.
James says.We were literally kicked out of his life. They were more concerned about him seeing family pets than step-siblings.
overwhelmingly positive. Adoptive parents doHis local authority said it could not comment on specific cases, but it cited study that shows that adoption rates for adopted children are
an amazing jobproviding a loving and caring home to homeless children, according to the government, and although those plans do sometimes break down, there is still a way to keep them together when possible. We also heard from some parents who received great care and who said it made a huge difference. Emma and her partner Geoff say they adopted their daughter, who needed extensive assistance when she was nearly six years old. Family Futures, a local authority, had a long working relationship with a family therapy company that specializes in adoption.
she says.They knew that adoption and therapy had to go together,
Adopted children who have been moved first into foster care and then into an adoptive family have a difficult time feeling secure,When we asked for some assistance, they were really eager to give it. They discovered that if they don't do it now, it will get worse, children go back to care, and it all falls apart.
If you imagine being a little child and being moved from pillar to post with various people and then crashing straight into a stranger's house, you'll be very worried,Emma says, and family therapy is aimed at helping them cope with this.
We used to believe that we couldn't imagine how she could ever leave home,she says. Geoff said it took about ten years of seeing a therapist on and off before their daughter trusted them. He claims he can't see how she would have achieved as much as she has now that she is 21, having moved into assisted living accommodation and still keeping in touch with her parents if she does not have that support.
Geoff says.Now she will live away from us. She has found a place where she feels she belongs.
